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Do you ever find yourself thinking you've got the greatest idea ever for your next blog post?
Do you sit down at your computer, ready for action, thinking that this will be the making of you? A legendary status - finally - amongst your social peers within the blogosphere!
Are you ready to hammer out this magnum opus; fired up to spew forth a rich vein of literary gold; set to carve out your place in internet history? Then – horror of horrors – something happens and the wheels fall off!
Man alive! The times it's happened to me... Almost every time in fact, for I've a terrible habit of thinking myself as being a legend in my own lunchtime... After all, we all have our crosses to bear.
So what happens?
Well I've experienced the full array. I've suffered the block. The loss of focus. The complete U-turn. And the possibly the worst of all... The grim realisation that this isn't the crowd winning chef d'oeuvre I'd originally envisaged, but just a random collection of words thrown together in the vain hope that they make a coherent sentence.
When this happens there's no amount of conceivable witchcraft that can pull you back from the gaping void of creative despair into which you're rapidly slipping... and I have an unwelcome tingling deep within my bones that this is happening right here, right now.
So what does a mere mortal such as myself suggest to counter any such problems arising?
Well first off I think it pays to approach the task with all delusions of grandeur packed safely away in that bottom drawer you keep beneath the cellar at the back of the cupboard beneath the stairs. You know, the one with that tungsten carbide padlock, the key to which you placed in a titanium safe with a combination known only to your great uncle Jeremiah, or 'Forgetful Jeremiah' as he was better known (who, incidentally, happens to be dead).
Once all these unnecessary preconceptions have been tethered and sunk to the depths of Poseidon's kingdom with leaden weights, then you can approach your post with a clear mind and the hefty burden that comes with greatness - plus its ancillary expectations - shrugged free from your shoulders.
Now, with a clear mind and your god-like status firmly in check, approach the task in hand as though it is just any other post. If it is destined for the greatness you initially conceived, it will invariably find it (with a little help from various forms of networking, of course).
Don't let the promise of internet blogging glory creep back into your consciousness as you plug away; instead concentrate firmly on the job in hand and allow the words to flow from mind to fingertip and out into the digital wilderness beyond.
Ah... Isn't that beautiful?
Well no, not really, but it doesn't hurt to soften your edges with a few brief bursts of (un)poetic metaphor every now and then.
Another thing that can drive you off course and into the dark, tangled woods of grief and despair, is dressing up a lack of content with a load of fancy words, labyrinthine metaphor, and impenetrable bluster - as has been commendably demonstrated so far in this very post.
A wise man once said: “Never trust a man who comes across as all words and no trousers”. With pearls of wisdom like that stored inside your rucksack of life, you'll go far.
If you feel it slipping hopelessly away from you, take a breather and remember that this is just another post that may never be seen (god forbid) by anybody. Keep your aspirations low and your quality high. Blog For An Audience... Even If You Have None.
So bearing this in mind attack your keyboard; don't stop until the individual keys have popped from their harbours and lie scattered across your desktop/ floor. Attack the screen; ignore the acrid stench of burning electrics as your monitor struggles to keep pace with the speed at which your words and sentences are forming perfect partnerships upon it. Don't stray away from the point that you're trying to make with round-the-houses meanderings and unrelated conjecture. But most of all, enjoy it. Don't fall into the trap I spoke of in Five Reasons why the Need to Blog Outweighs the Desire, of fearing your blog.
And when you've finished, sit back and relax, and read through what hopefully you can now safely regard as the Greatest Blog Post Ever Written. Then publish it and be damned.
Of course, one day I might actually take it upon myself to listen to my own advice, but I'm still new to this and you know what they say about the exuberance of youth and all that...
So until that day arrives, that was it: The greatest blog post ever written. Thank you all for reading.